More Thoughts From a Square Peg
I recently found a video and comments on another blog. I've posted the video below. When I read the comments and watched that video, I once again strongly felt that I do not belong in the church. I do not fit. Perhaps I am too broken. I am genuinely happy that the people in this video have found the comfort and answers from Jesus that they needed in times of crisis. But as I watched I thought of all the people who might have been in the congregation that day who were thinking, "How come Jesus never showed up for me? Is there something wrong with my level of faith, something wrong with my prayers, or just something wrong with me?" Some of them might even be asking if perhaps there's something wrong with Jesus. To me, this video felt like American bumber-sticker Christianity. Of course, it was "cardboard sign Christianity". Perhaps very unfairly, in my mind I kept seeing a religious belief sytem with a Jesus who always shows up with an arm around the shoulder and a wink and an encouraging word when life gets tough. "You can do it! Come on, lift up that chin, take another step. Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." When I got to the part where the guy's sign referred to being washed in blood, I stopped. Yes, I am familiar with Revelation 7. But to me, it's Christianese, and I couldn't take it any longer. It made me think of my cousin's wedding. During the ceremony the pastor referred to the bride and groom being washed in a fountain of blood. I heard gasps around me. I saw looks of horror and disgust. Of course, not from the good evangelicals in the audience, but from non-believers who did not speak our secret language. I know from other commenters elsewhere that some people are moved to tears by this video. I don't mean to be critical of them. I'm glad that their faith works so well for them. But this video just made me feel very sad and very much on the outside. I guess that's why I so want to create a safe place for people who want to seek God ap