Gay Marry It … Or Abort It? Pig-death spectacular.
It was so wild almost dying this week! We know, we know, 13,000 people actually already die of the flu every year. But this one was started by MEXICANS and also it almost killed President Obama (could you imagine?) so it was a very big deal. The new theory is that the swine flu is less serious than originally feared: some of the assumed swine flu deaths Mexico actually came from natural causes (i.e. living in Mexico) and doctors now believe that swine flu is going away for the summer, but will be back to kill us all next Winter. Sleep tight. Anyway, swine flu was the highlight of a wild week in politics: from President Obama’s 100th day and Senator Arlen Specter’s partisan shuffle to the Supreme Court. Back from a week hiatus, we’re here to deliver the best and worst of the week that was. To the list!
Gay Marry It
Tamiflu, purell, soy protein.
Abort It
Confined spaces, sneezing, coughing, high school students from Queens, Miss Piggy, Mexicans, the side-eye my co-worker shot me when I spit into the trashcan at work.
Gay Marry It
Eating pork belly in the face of imminent death and global panic.
Abort It
Killing every pig in Eqypt. I didn’t know they had pigs in Egypt, but swine flu is not a reason to kill every last one of them, especially since Egypt has exactly zero reported cases of swine flu. Also a helpful suggestion? “Killing (pigs) is not a solution, otherwise, we should kill the people, because the virus spreads through them,” wrote Abdullah Kamal of the daily Rose El-Youssef.
Gay Marry It
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg for not panicking: The swine flu is “a minor annoyance,” he told reporters.
Abort It
Vice President Joe Biden for freaking out. Listen: President Obama made his name by being “no drama.” So don’t tell people to stay off the subway, the airlines and all confined public spaces! While we’re at it, also don’t fly an airliner tailed by military jets at low altitude over Lower Manhattan on an ominously warm, blue