CLINTON: Thank you very, very much. Well, this isn't exactly the party I'd planned, but I sure like the company. (APPLAUSE) And I want to start today by saying how grateful I am to all of you, to everyone who poured your hearts and your hopes into this campaign, who drove for miles and lined the streets waving homemade signs, who scrimped and saved to raise money, who knocked on doors and made calls, who talked, sometimes argued with your friends and neighbors... (APPLAUSE) ... who e-mailed and contributed online, who invested so much in our common enterprise, to the moms and dads who came to our events, who lifted their little girls and little boys on their shoulders and whispered in their ears, "See, you can be anything you want to be." (APPLAUSE) To the young people... (APPLAUSE) ... like 13-year-old Anne Riddell (ph) from Mayfield, Ohio, who had been saving for two years to go to Disney World and decided to use her savings instead to travel to Pennsylvania with her mom and volunteer there, as well. To the veterans, to the childhood friends, to New Yorkers and Arkansans... (APPLAUSE) ... who traveled across the country, telling anyone who would listen why you supported me. And to all of those women in their 80s and their 90s... (APPLAUSE) ... born before women could vote, who cast their votes for our campaign. I've told you before about Florence Stein (ph) of South Dakota who was 88 years old and insisted that her

Transcript: FEY AS PALIN: “Good evening, my fellow Americans. I was so excited when I was told Senator Clinton and I would be addressing you tonight.” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “And I was told I would be addressing you alone.” FEY AS PALIN: “Now I know it must be a little bit strange for all of you to see the two of us together. What with me being John McCain’s running mate.” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “And me being a fervent supporter of Senator Barack Obama — as evidenced by this button.”FEY AS PALIN: “But tonight we are crossing party lines to address the now very ugly role that sexism is playing in the campaign.” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “An issue which I am frankly surprised to hear people suddenly care about.” FEY AS PALIN: “You know, Hillary and I don’t agree on everything…” POEHLER AS CLINTON: (OVERLAPPING) “Anything. I believe that diplomacy should be the cornerstone of any foreign policy.” FEY AS PALIN: “And I can see Russia from my house.” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “I believe global warming is caused by man.” FEY AS PALIN: “And I believe it’s just God hugging us closer.” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “I don’t agree with the Bush Doctrine.” FEY AS PALIN: “I don’t know what that is.” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “But Sarah, one thing we can agree on is that sexism can never be allowed to permeate an American election.” FEY AS PALIN: “So please, stop photoshopping my head on sexy bikini pictures.” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “And stop saying I have cankles.” FEY AS PALIN: “Don’t refer to me as a ‘MILF.’” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “And don’t refer to me as a [flurge]. I Googled what it stands for and I do not like it.” FEY AS PALIN: “So we ask reporters and commentators, stop using words that diminish us, like ‘pretty,’ ‘attractive,’ ‘beautiful.’” POEHLER AS CLINTON: “‘Harpy,’ ’shrew’ and ‘boner shrinker.’” FEY AS PALIN: “While our politics may differ, my friend and I ar

Transcript: ANNOUNNCER: “And now, part 4 of Katie Couric’s interview with the Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin” (Crowd Cheering) POEHLER AS COURIC: “Governor Palin, Thank you for agreeing to talk with me one more time.” FEY AS PALIN: “Oh, hey, you know, sure.” (laughter) POEHLER AS COURIC: “Did you enjoy your week in New York City?” FEY AS PALIN: “You know, I did Katie. I wasn’t sure I would at first. You know New York is home to the Liberal Media Elite, but Todd and the kids had a great time going to the Central Park, and the FAO Schwarz, and that goofy evolution museum.” (laughter) POEHLER AS COURIC: “So it sounds like the trip was a success?” FEY AS PALIN: “Well, there were some funny moments. For instance, I had 15-20 false alarms, where I thought I saw Osama Bin Laden drivin’ a taxi.” (laughter) FEY AS PALIN: “I was embarrassed to be wrong, but mostly disappointed I wasn’t right.” Also, in an effort to bone up on foreign policy, I went to the Times Square Area to see a film called the Bush Doctrine. It was not about politics.” (laughter) POEHLER AS COURIC: “You went to the UN for the first time. How was that experience?” FEY AS PALIN: “Oh, you know, it was just amazing, so many interesting people - though I have to say I was disheartened by how many of them were foreigners.” (laughter) I promise that when Senator McCain and I are Elected, we’re gonna get those jobs back in American hands.” (laughter) POEHLER AS COURIC: “How did the world leaders you met with react to you?” FEY AS PALIN: “They embraced me, both figuratively, and a couple of those Pakistani guys literally. But they were all so welcoming, from ? the president of Afghanistan, Jilaal Talabani, the president of Iraq, or Bono, the king of Ireland.” POEHLER AS COURIC: “On foreign policy, I want to give you one more chance to explain your claim that you have foreign policy experience based on Alaska’s proximity to Russia. What did you mean b

Na na na na na na Na na na na na Na na na na na na Na na na na na I guess I just lost my husband I don't know where he went So I'm gonna drink my money I'm not gonna pay his rent (nope) I've got a brand new attitude, And I'm gonna wear it tonight I'm gonna get in trouble I wanna start a fight Na na na na na I wanna start a fight Na na na na na I wanna start a fight [Chorus] So, So what I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves And I don't need you And guess what I'm havin more fun And now that were done I'm gona show you tonight I'm alright I'm just fine And you're a tool so So what I am a rock star I got my rock moves And I don't want you tonight Unh Check my flow Uohhh The waiter just took my table And gave it to Jessica Simps (Shit! ) I guess I'll go sit with drum boy At least hell know how to hit (Oops) What if this flops on the radio, Then somebodys gonna die! haha I'm going to get in trouble, My ex will start a fight Na na na na He's gonna to start a fight Na na na na We're all gonna To get into a fight [Chorus] So, So what I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves And I don't need you And guess what I'm havin more fun And now that were done I'm gona show you tonight I'm alright I'm just fine And you're a tool so So what I am a rock star I got my rock moves And I don't want you tonight You weren't fair You never were You want it all but that's not fair I gave you life I gave my all You weren't there, you let me fall [Chorus] So, so what I'm still a rock star I got my rock moves And I don't need you And guess what I'm havin more fun And now that were done I'm gona show you tonight I'm alright I'm just fine And you're a tool so So what I am a rock star I got my rock moves And I don't want you tonight No no No no, I don't want you tonight You weren't there I'm gona show you tonight I'm alright I'm just fine And you're a tool so So what I am a rock star I got my rock moves And I don't want you tonight Ba da da da pffftt Man, she rocks it out! I

POEHLER AS COURIC: "On foreign policy, I want to give you one more chance to explain your claim that you have foreign policy experience based on Alaska's proximity to Russia. What did you mean by that?" FEY AS PALIN: "Well, Alaska and Russia are only separated by a narrow maritime border. (using her hands to illustrate) You got Alaska here, this right here is water, and this is Russia. So, we keep an eye on them." POEHLER AS COURIC: "And how do you do that exactly?" FEY AS PALIN: "Every morning, when Ala

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Transcript:

FEY AS PALIN: “Good evening, my fellow Americans. I was so excited when I was told Senator Clinton and I would be addressing you tonight.”

POEHLER AS CLINTON: “And I was told I would be addressing you alone.”

FEY AS PALIN: “Now I know it must be a little bit strange for all of you to see the two of us together. What with me being John McCain’s running mate.”

POEHLER AS CLINTON: “And me being a fervent supporter of Senator Barack Obama — as evidenced by this button.