Horrible day.

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First collected by aprilgal_lavender
May 5, 2009
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It's been on 2 occasions that I was missed out totally. Are we still what we termed ourselves to be? Not that status matters. It's just that, I am beginning to wonder what went wrong and does the issue lies with me..? And no, I'm not paranoid. It's because I truly care. About this, about us. I almost felt like packing my bag, get an early leave form from the General Office, and head straight for home right after morning PE. I was staring at the disastrous result slip and somehow I could already feel hot tears welling up at the back of my eyes, ready to roll down just by one slight little trigger. I so hate whatever I saw. 'AAAFA' I know I should have calmed myself down before the damn test. You know, some years back before I sit for my P5 math mid-year exam my friends were like telling me how they were so going to fail and such. And results spoke for itself; I was the one who failed while all the rest were like getting zomg-super good results? Ha. I know, why should I even let all the negativities get the better of me and affect my performance? It could only mean one thing - I have no control over my thoughts and emotions. Yeah yeah, why bother about such lame test? Some would say, trying in vain to comfort me and my dejected soul. How should I put it? I have always been putting much emphasis on this, yes this damn, test. I know I can achieve the desired grade that I want and I never would have fall short of my goal given my determination. But somehow, these 2 years really downright traumatised me so much that I am beginning to feel super unfit and I am under-performing. I don't know, somehow the teachers pinned much hopes and held high expectations of me; I felt pressurized to meet their expectations, and felt rotten if I could not, which thereby seriously dampened my mood and dashed my confidence. I know, I shouldn't do it for others but myself. Yes yes, I know. But whatever the others expect of me is also what I expected of myself. Today marked the worst da
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