de mucha calma ... y sentimiento

In my Real Life, most of the time, I’m a pretty happy, very friendly, often goofy, usually humorous person. I know you couldn’t tell that from my blog lately. Here is where I write out things that I don’t get out In Real Life, things that are on my mind that I keep inside, for survival’s sake. The last few months, particularly — well, probably the past several months, since the full-dose chemo stopped and after a month I had a mastectomy, then after I healed from that I had the radiation which was brutal for me, and now I’m waiting — very anxiously — to find out results of an incredibly important test for me. Anyways, the past several months, my IRL funny, usually (not always) goofy self has taken a beating online (and a bit in person) and my scared, frustrated, anxiety-ridden, moody self has shown itself more. I can’t help it. This is where the Real Stuff, the stuff that I don’t always show IRL comes out.But I get through life in large part because of my humor; it’s one of my greatest coping mechanisms. I once had a therapist challenge me in a session to not joke for the last ten minutes of the session and I felt about like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I’ve gotten a little better since then. A bit, but I still often use humor to hide my pain in my life, except when things are so bad that I really can’t. And online I don’t do that. ________________________________I find it sad that during some of life’s most difficult times — my illness, a friend’s parent’s decline — that relationships shatter and sometimes break. I see more clarity and have a better sense of priorities in my life and yes, I do need to set boundaries even while I recognize that relationships are more important than anything else in my life. It’s a paradox that I’m coming to terms with, that simply has. to. be. for me to maintain my health, physical and emotional. But most relationships ...

i absolutley adore this song almost everytime i hear it i'm so close to crying